A peripheral visionary

Mystical experiences have been an important part of my life. I use them as guideposts to where I’m at. In this case I’m not using to define any experience that’s out of the ordinary, in terms of the consensual reality. In other words, weird unexplained shit has happened to me. These events have not been frequent, but more often than most I’ve spoken with. It’s a topic I often wish others would be more forthcoming with, because I truly believe these experiences are a valuable part of human psychology that we’ve not really acknowledged or tapped into in the west.

In my last post, I described the black cloud at the head of the bus. I call it the Dark. I interpret that event not quite so literally but I do feel that I was being pulled in by something that didn’t have my best interest in mind, if it even had a mind. How we interpret these events has major significance. When these events happen, I try not to interpret them literally, and come at them with a rational skeptical view. At this point in my life, I know that they are not just brain misfirings, because frankly they can’t be explained by brain mechanics alone.

I had two events during high school of enormously minor importance, but as they’re my only true visionary dreams, they go into the folio of experiences.

I had a crush on RC. She was way out of my league, but a friend nonetheless. I had a dream about asking her out over the phone two days before I did.The phone conversation, was exactly like the dream, to every word, every pause, every moment of pubescent awkwardness. She rejected me, as she had in my dream.

In the second dream I was at my friend Frank’s house. His house was teenage headquarters, we all spent the night there constantly, sleeping with and on each other, a pack of nerdy boys playing D&D for days at a time. That evening, in the dream, Frank reached over to me and asks “Want some Joey”. It was a golden gelatinous goop in a cheap glass rose petal molded bowl. I take it, skeptically, and taste it. I remember my horror as this substance was disgusting. My dream ended on the taste of that gastronomic nonsense. Later that weekend, I am in Frank’s room and he offers me some butterscotch pudding. Same glass bowl, same substance, same moment, beat for beat. I tasted the butterscotch pudding and the same flood of disgust washed over me. I cried out “This is Joey!”

What to make of these experiences? If I’d only had the one, the more flimsy of the two, I would have chalked it up to chance or deja vu, but the second incident was more intense. For the first one I hadn’t realized I had that dream until after the fact, so it’d be easy to dismiss it. The second dream I couldn’t dismiss. I was aware of the dream before the incident happened, and just chalked it up to dreams doing their thing. I recalled the taste of the pudding vividly, I could place it, and I could name it. In the moment, I wasn’t thinking about the dream until I tasted the pudding, but immediately upon the taste it came flooding back. The second dream was harder to ignore.

I don’t know what this says about anything other than the mind and time are somehow more fluid than we understand. I don’t pretend to give detailed explanations of cosmic workings other than these things happened. Had I known the importance of documentation at sixteen years old I may have had some historical evidence, but I wasn’t quite with it yet. I only have the memory to go by. I also don’t hope to convince anyone of anything other than these things happened, or at minimum I have clear memories of them.

As trivial as they were in scope, these events were formative to the next period of my life where I dove deeply into metaphysics. I have been striving for conclusions to what those events actually were. Since I don’t really have anything concrete, I feel I can’t give you a solid conclusion either, other than I’m still looking for answers to these events, and several others that happened since. After that thing with the Dark, these were probably the first two events that are still clear to me, and the beginning of the quest into what-the-fuck is actually going on around here.

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