I Have a Choice

I knew getting back into the swing of things would be difficult for me. I have thrived in this time of stillness. I’ve given my brain a great deal of attention over the past five months. At some point my thoughts were so unorganized that I felt hopeless. I couldn’t concentrate enough to even sleep. Eventually I found my footing and I’ve had peace within every since. Last week I went back to work after having the summer off and everything hit QUICK. By day three I found myself saying, “I can’t do this.”

I had worked so hard to tame my brain. I began running to clear my head. Cut out the sugar. Quit smoking. Began eating mainly for fuel and incorporated a bunch of fruits and veggies. Gave a lot of attention to stretching, breathing and meditating. I just finally FELT GOOD. In the back of my head, I always thought, “I hope I can keep this up when I go back to work.” And so far, I’ve been keeping it up (despite a few trips to Andy’s Frozen Custard at the end of the day because the air in my office has been broken). I don’t have too many negative thoughts about myself anymore. So I was a bit disappointed at that intrusive thought.

I’m doing a separate writing challenge at home, and last week one of the focus points was stopping negative thoughts right as they form. I allowed myself to think, “I can’t do this” MAYBE twice before I whipped myself back into shape and reframed my wording (which I was dumb proud of, cause babyyyy). And what I came up with has shifted so much for me in the last week. I’ve been in plenty situations where I’ve told myself, “I can’t do this.” And God has kept me in those situations EV-ER-Y-TIME to prove to me that I indeed, can do it. And as long as I doubt myself, the Universe will keep me right damn there. So here’s what I came up with to maintain my motivation and confidence while acknowledging a few other things.

I know I can do this. But I have a choice.

Simple right? Instead of saying I can’t do this, which is simply self-doubt, I’m acknowledging that; 1) I sure as hell am capable of doing this because, well… I’m the shit 2) Because I know I’m capable, I have the power to either stay in this space and figure out how to make this work for me, or 3) I begin to move out of this space to make something better work for me. This then encourages me to sit with my thoughts and actively problem solve the situation. I’ve been heavy on my solution finding as of late. I try not to complain about things if there’s no follow through. Because right now, that’s pointless for me. And lastly (this is my favorite part) I acknowledge that I have a choice in everything I do. Everything. It’s mine. This immediately gives me my power back when I begin to have doubts.

Das it! A small but effective way to maintain your power and kick imposture syndrome’s ass. So next time you feel like you can’t do something, change that nasty thought to, “I know I can do this, but I have a choice.” And after you sit with it (really sit with it, you’re going to have to do the work), it’s totally fine to say, “I don’t have to do this.” Because you don’t! You don’t have to do a damn thing that doesn’t bring you all the joy you deserve. K!? K!

Peace.

P.S. Be prepared to do the work, either way ❤

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